Monday, December 14, 2009

Politics as Unusual

I am very excited about our new tactic of impersonating politicians at international conferences and making false claims on behalf of a people that we don't represent. There are so many ways we can go with this. We can show up at pig roasts and tell people that we have just passed legislation that stipulates barbequing to be illegal, and that veganism is now law. We can tell people that it is illegal to drive cars without sending a cheque direct to Uganda, and they will have to believe it because we are pretending to be the people who write their laws! People believe what their government tells them, and therefore by impersonating government officials we can tell them to do anything and they have to do it! It is perfect!

Until the Yes Men are charged in a court of law, it is not illegal to impersonate politicians. Therefore what we need to so is set hundreds, nay thousands of phony websites, Twitter accounts, Facebook Pages to completely dilute politics on the internet. We need to contribute to rising apathy by making it impossible for regular citizens to distinguish between politicians and comedians. We want average people to become even more skeptical of politicians, angry at politicians, and disinterested in making a difference. Only then can we subjugate and overthrow their alleged freedoms.

We can show up at public events pretending to be people's elected officials, and instruct them to do absurd things in order to videotape them and amuse our Liberal-selves. This is beautiful. We can pretend to be Conservatives and then run around stealing candy from babies and it will be hilarious to everybody because regular citizens will believe that it is really a conservative doing the ridiculous things that we ourselves are doing.

We are opening a door to a brave new world. The Yes Men have set a brave precedence and we must now follow them into the breach with unfaltering reverence. Think of all the things we can accomplish by impersonating government officials and making false statements that would be considered a crime if anyone had the balls to sue, which they don't. We can go to public beaches and tell all the patrons that they have to leave because we the law makers have banned sun bathing as a public health emergency. We can tell people that it is now illegal to wear shorts in the summer; we can tell people whatever we want to believe because they are gullible enough to believe whatever we tell them. People are inherently stupid and it is the job of enlightened people like us to shock them into compliance on issues that they may not agree with.

And what is even better is that we can videotape it all and sell it as a movie for a profit when we are done ridiculing normal, average people!

I am so excited at this new tactic. Yes men, yes we can impersonate government officials! This is awesome! I am going to go to the local shopping mall pretending to be a government official. Let’s see what insane things I can make people do! YES!


  1. Have a Nice Day by Stereophonics would round this out nicely.

  2. Yeah, that's the only way anyone could make someone listen to a Liberal.